


The Secrets of Eternity

by D_f_m22



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-22 11:03:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6076980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_f_m22/pseuds/D_f_m22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-series nine/ spoilers for series nine. Clara is dead and the Doctor's feeling more alone than he has in a long time. Trying to escape his grief for Clara and the guilt he feels about leaving Missy on Skaro, the Doctor travels to a peaceful planet in hope of some relaxation. Upon arrival, however, all is not right and there is only one person that can be behind it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Year: 2348, Planet: Qonides, Native inhabitants: Qonidesians 

Surprising the Doctor was not an easy task. It was, then, surprising in itself that within the first five minutes of arriving on Qonides he had been surprised twice. The first surprise was pleasant. The second surprise was not so pleasant. Life always was a mixed bag. 

Only one person in the universe had ever truly managed to surprise the Doctor. Always showing up when she was supposed to be dead. How did he still believe that she was ever really dead? Harvesting the dead into a Cyberarmy as a birthday present for him. All that destruction for a bloody birthday present. Then, running to his rescue on Skaro. She was terrified of that planet. Then placing Clara inside the Dalek casing and trying to get him to shoot her. He had been furious with her. But was her act really enough to warrant abandoning her on Skaro? It was no worse than some of the things she had done in the past. She really was terrified of that planet. The Doctor sighed, he was fed up of grappling with this internal guilt. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Missy or Skaro. He also wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Clara or Gallifrey or the confession dial but that didn’t mean he’d been successful in his attempts. At this stage, there was probably more things that he shouldn’t be thinking about than things he should. 

Clear your mind.  
Breathe. What had he been thinking about?  
Surprises. That was it. He had been surprised.  
Not once, but twice.  
One good, one bad. 

The first surprise came when he managed to land on the right planet at the right time. This was the pleasant surprise. It was a rarity on even his good days to materialise exactly where he had intended. These days were not good days, making it all the more unusual. Truth be told, these were very bad days. The Doctor currently indulged in very few pleasures. He scarcely visited Earth anymore and he hadn’t been able to find any new human to travel with. The Doctor hadn’t even tried. In fact, this was the longest he had gone without interacting with humans. He couldn’t bear their eternal optimism that he had once found so endearing. It’s not all going to work out he would think. You’re all going to die. You’re going to leave me alone and you’re going to die really, really soon. Fireflies, the whole lot of you. The Doctor knew his avoidance of Earth and its ever-hopeful inhabitants was irrational and he wouldn’t be able to keep it up forever but, for now, he could.

What he needed right now was to be with other immortals. It couldn’t be Missy because he was trying not to think about her. He had managed to track Jack down, but after observing him for a little while, it was clear that Jack had a new life to get on with. There was no longer a place in his life for the Doctor. He briefly considered attempting to find Ashildr or whatever name she was going by these days. It was only ever a brief consideration with the idea entering his thoughts as quickly as it left. Ashildr would lead to more feelings of guilt and that would lead to more self-loathing. What he really needed now was some time to himself, some time to heal and some time to invest in a healthy dose of self-pity. 

That was why he found himself landing on Qonides in the year 2348. The planet was renowned for its healing properties, hospitable inhabitants and distinct lack of humans. The best part about the whole planet was that it was completely peaceful and had been for about five hundred years. One of the reasons for this was the species’ inability to differentiate between individuals. While the Qonidesians, could pick up on inter-species differences they could not tell the difference between individuals of the same species. It meant that there was no discrimination and no war. Well, that’s the simplified version anyway. There were lots of Qonidesian academics that had written lots of very complex essays on the intricate matter, developing seemingly never ending schools of thought on the topic. Right now, though, all that mattered to the Doctor was that he had landed on a peaceful planet where there wouldn’t be any humans around to remind him of Clara and there wouldn’t be any war to remind of Missy. Over the last century or so, the Doctor had established quite the rapport with the citizens of Qonides and their welcome back was alway something to be relished. 

Now, this is where the second, not so pleasant, surprise comes into it. Stepping out onto the familiar planet, the Doctor was keenly anticipating the familiar welcome of the Qonidesians- a welcome that was akin to the warm embrace of a waiting mother. It was a warm welcome that never arrived. Instead, the Doctor narrowly avoided being struck by a flaming arrow that wedged itself into the Tardis door. The weapon remained suspended in the door, reminding the Doctor of the time he had been trying to convince Clara that Robin Hood didn’t exist. Don’t think about Clara. This weapon, though, was much more advanced than Hood’s had ever been. It sparked with shots of electricity and a lethal looking orange liquid leaked from its tip. Carefully avoiding contact with the dangerous looking liquid, the Doctor pulled the weapon from its resting spot and retreated into the Tardis. He could already hear a crowd of angry Qonidesians approaching. Something was wrong here. Very wrong. This was not the behaviour of the Qonidesians. 

As the crowd made their way closer to the Tardis, the Doctor was able to make out some of what they were chanting. “Doctor, we know that it is you. You have brought war to our peaceful planet. Return the Emerald Medallion of Eternity and surrender yourself for arrest.” What? This didn’t make any sense, the last time he had been to Qonides had been after leaving Donna. It had been peaceful then and he had had a great time. As for the Emerald Medallion of Eternity, he never realised it had really existed. It was just one the myths he had read about over the years. “I don’t know what your talking about. I haven’t been here in years and I’ve never seen the Emerald Medallion of Eternity. You must have mistaken someone else for me” The Doctor tried to reason as sincerely as he could from behind the safety of his Tardis door. “There has been no mistake, Doctor. A time lord stole the medallion and unlocked the weapons. You are the last of the time lords, it must have been you.” 

The only one that can ever truly surprise me. Even if it was inadvertently. Although, things rarely were with Missy. The Qonides didn’t know that the Master was back. No doubt it was her behind the theft and breakdown of peace. Sometimes the Qondies’ inability to differentiate between individuals really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Especially in this case, where the Doctor found himself being held accountable for the Master’s wrongdoing. Missy probably knew that this would happen of course. He cursed ever feeling guilty about leaving her on Skaro. 

Looking up at the Console, the Doctor realised he had to make a quick decision. He had to find Missy.


	2. Chapter 2

Year: 2016, Planet: Earth, Native Inhabitants: Humans   
The vortex manipulator hit the floor with an angry thud. “Fucking hell. Why, of all the planets in the universe, do I have to be stuck on Earth with their primitive excuse for technology?” Missy ranted, kicking the discarded device and watching it light up and spark out excited little shots of blue and silver. “But you chose to come here,” she reminded herself growing angrier by the second, “go to planet Earth, that’s where the Doctor will be. Great thinking, Missy.” The time lady had little patience for the mistakes of others and certainly had no patience for her own incompetence. However rare such occurrences may be. 

Landing on Earth hadn’t been one of her better decisions. In fact, in the aftermath of escaping Skaro and since the incident on Qonides, she hadn’t made very many good decisions at all. Deciding to use the last of the energy in her vortex manipulator to travel to 21st century Earth, however, had been the worst decision by far. Missy had hoped that she would be able to find the Doctor in his usual haunts on planet Earth but was now growing ever more impatient. Why hadn’t the incident on Qonides made him find her quicker? Starting a breakdown of peaceful relations usually had that effect, but months had passed and there was still no sign. Six months to be precise. Six long months she had been on the awful planet and six long months had passed without one sighting of him. Time was passing excruciatingly slowly, it always did when she had to endure it in linear form.

The time lady had had a tight itinerary that she had hoped to follow- there were several planets she was planning on invading, a few she wanted to destroy and a couple of wars she wanted to start. None of this could be achieved unless she located and repaired her Tardis that she had lost track of during her escapades on Skaro and to achieve that she needed the Doctor’s help. Missy had gone out of her way to help him when she received his confession dial- she had followed him all the way to a planet she was terrified of and saved his life when he fell into a trap that she had warned him about in the first place. The Doctor owed her one. Sure, she may have tried to get him to kill Clara, but what was one little human in the grand scheme of things? Missy should hardly have been abandoned on Skaro because of one mistake. Although she still felt that the real mistake was not killing the girl herself when she had the chance. The time she spent on Skaro had been an unpleasant reminder of the Time War and she was going to make him pay for that one. Just as soon as he showed his face and helped her get off this bloody planet. 

Glaring at the ever-growing pile of failed vortex manipulators, Missy scowled. She had been working on the latest one for the past fifteen hours and had still had no breakthrough. The time lady needed a break and her favourite coffee shop around the corner was just the ticket. While she hated Earth, Missy realised if she was spending any length of time stuck there she would have to build herself a comfortable (temporary) life. Finding accommodation had been easy enough, frankly she didn’t understand London’s alleged housing crisis, once she relieved her flat of its previous residents the place had been simply wonderful. The flat, a converted townhouse situated in Highgate, had beautiful views of Hampstead Heath and was a short walk from Highgate Cemetery. Every time Missy walked past the crowds of tourists waiting in line to view the graves of Marx or some other famous human, she couldn’t help but reminisce over her Cyberarmy. Oh, the Doctor’s face when he had realised it was her. It was a picture! Pity it all had go so wrong in the end, but best not to dwell on horrid things. Every now and then, the Time Lady had taken to walking the grounds of the cemetery finding a relative peace in the silence that surrounds death. 

Today, though, was not one of those days. Today, Missy needed a coffee and not just any coffee. She needed a double espresso from Hozzie’s Beans, the independent coffee shop on the corner of the High Street, made especially for her by George. The quaint coffee shop was fast becoming a favourite when she needed an afternoon pick me up. George, the young barista come struggling artist, was a already a firm favourite of Missy’s. The kid had personality and could match her sarcastic quips almost as well as the Doctor. Best of all, after some persuasive mind control, George had agreed to a provide Missy with a lifetime’s allowance of free coffee. Retreating to her bedroom to get changed, the Time Lady made quick work of changing into a pair of jeans and a purple jumper. Missy had discarded of her victorian garb about a month into her stay on earth after quickly tiring of gawping humans. Sure, she loved to play to an audience but only on her terms. While she was stranded on Earth, it seemed best to opt for a more subtle look. There was only one person’s attention she wanted to attract and he would recognise her whether she was in her victorian get up, a pair of jeans or stark naked.

Applying a fresh coat of lipstick and pulling her hair into a ponytail, Missy sighed. The last time she looked this human was when she was fob watched and went by the name of professor Yana. At least then she had actually thought herself human. Now she had her full time lord capabilities but was trapped living an abysmal human existence. If the Doctor didn’t get to earth soon, she might just resort to handing herself into UNIT and asking them to call him for her. Everyone gets one phone call, right? Anyway, the Doctor’s human friends seemed to have more luck contacting him these days than she ever did. Alas, it had been that way for centuries now, Missy found herself thinking as she wistfully pined for the days of Theta and Koschei in the fields of Gallifrey. No time to dwell, it was time for her coffee. 

By the time Missy reached Hozzie’s it was early evening and she was the only customer. She liked it best that way, too many humans in a small space was too much to deal with even on a good day. “Good evening, Georgie boy” she greeted, as she walked up to the counter. The boy’s eyes looked up and his face broke into a smile. It seemed Missy was fast becoming George’s favourite customer. “Missy!” He exclaimed “I was beginning to wonder whether or not I’d see you today. The usual?” Missy nodded, tapping her fingers lightly in a rhythm of four on counter edge. “Sorry, I lost track of time today. I got caught up on my latest project- you know, the one I told you about last week?” George nodded in recognition and she continued “well, I’ve hit a bit of brick wall with it and definitely need one of these” Missy said as she took a sip of her double espresso. “And have you heard any new from that old friend of yours yet?” The young human asked, leaning his elbow on the counter in a movement akin to a barman listening to the woes of his punters. Missy shook her head “nada. Not a word. He’s getting so unreliable in his old age.” “You shouldn’t get so hung up over him, Missy. You know, you should try Tinder if you’re looking to meet some new men. My mum’s used it ever since dad left and a cougar like you would have the guys lining up” George offered in his poor attempt at advice. Missy raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to criticise the very notion of his idea but the words died on her lips as she caught sight of the man approaching the door. “You know, George, think that will be wholly unnecessary” Missy stated, red lips curling into a cheshire grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and the comments. Hopefully the next update will be a bit quicker.


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken the Doctor just over a day on Earth to find Missy. The Time Lord had decided that instead of tracking Missy, he should track the medallion she had stolen. After all, she was always better at hiding from him than she he was at hiding from her. At least if he was searching for the stolen gem he would be able to find her quicker using his tracking device. The tracking device was an odd contraption that was yet to be named. Made with the remnants of an old computer hard drive, the device had a database installed that contained a detailed list of all the precious gems in the universe. Even if they were mythical, as the Doctor had thought the Qonidian medallion to be up until recently. The tracker had led him to a relatively suburban area of Highgate Village. There were yummy mummies sipping skinny lattes on every corner and the location was decidedly un-Missy. The Doctor found it hard to believe that he would find his best enemy here and was about to call it quits when he caught sight of the familiar sharp cheekbones. The petite woman that walked into the coffee shop across the road from him looked like Missy but something was off. Gone was the eccentric Victorian garb and in its place was a get up that looked positively human. Had she gone and turned herself human again? No, he thought quickly, she wouldn’t do that. The last time she had done that was to avoid the Time War. Anyway, he was sure he could sense a Time Lord nearby. Even though the Doctor was 90% sure that the woman he had just seen was Missy, he chose to hold back and watch the situation unfold just in case this was one of the universe’s weird coincidences. 

The Doctor was surprised as he watched the woman he assumed to be Missy was greeted fondly by the young barista. Although, he found himself remembering how charming she could be when it met her needs. Then, something more revealing caught his attention, and provided absolute confirmation that he had found Missy. On the counter edge, he saw her slender manicured fingers tapping out that familiar pattern of four. The Doctor frowned, concern crossing his face. Was Missy hearing the drums again? Had she ever stopped hearing them? He realised then how little he really knew about her life since they had last met. As quickly as the concern crossed his face, it left it. “It’ll be a trick” he muttered to himself, remembering the chaos he had found on Qonides, “don’t flaming fall for it” he continued as he crossed the street to confront his oldest friend. The final confirmation of Missy’s identity came as her ice blue eyes met his, her recognition manifesting itself in a smirk. 

“Doctor, dearest, I was starting to fear you had forgotten all about little old me” she exclaimed, marching straight towards him as soon as he entered the door. Scowling at her, he didn’t know whether to slap her or laugh at the audacity of her behaviour. Was she really going to act like she hadn’t tried to manipulate him into killing Clara. Like she hadn’t brought war to a peace loving planet? Then again, she seemed unlikely to change the habit of a life time. The Doctor was pulled from his train of thought when he felt her enter his personal space, scratching lightly behind his ear and pressing her forehead against his. It took him a minute to realise what she was doing and when he did it was too late.

-Dearie me, that was much easier than it should have been. You need to improve those shields. Do you just let anyone wander in here?-  
-Get out! Get out right now!-  
-Don’t make this harder than it has to be, love. I’m not going to do anything nasty. I just need to discuss some things with you without my little George over there listening. I quite like him you know but he’s not very smart and I don’t want to hurt his little pudding brain by talking about aliens and what not.- 

The Doctor tried to push her mental presence away, force it from his mind but it was no use. She always had been the better telepath. Instead, he changed tactics, pushing against her mental shields forcing his way into her mind the way that she had forced her way into his. For a minute, he was too shocked that he made it in to actually acknowledge what her mind was like. It had been many years since they had shared a mental presence and it hadn’t been like this then. It was chaotic, thoughts flying everywhere. From the corner, he could sense an overwhelming feeling of dread, a blackness that was seeping out. The Doctor couldn’t hide his curiosity, he hadn’t meant to come this far but now he was here he had to have a glimpse. Following the blackness, he caught a glimpse of dalek camps, Rassilon and blood. There was so much blood. It only was a glimpse and before he knew it he was pushed back into his own mind, her presence still very much there. Daring to glance down at her, he noticed that her already pale skin had turned an unhealthy ivory. There was a trace of fear in her eyes that quickly turned to anger cross. Red hot anger directed straight at him.  
-You shouldn’t have done that. I was being so nice to you, there was no need for it. Now are you going to behave or am I going to have to do some real damage to your pretty brain?-  
-I didn’t mean to see that. Is it always like that? I’m so sor-  
-I said, are you going to behave?-  
-Yes. I’ll behave, Mistress.- The Doctor had made her feel vulnerable and despite his better judgement, he felt guilty. She always was a friend first, enemy second. The least he could do was play to her ego and use her self proclaimed title. It seemed to work as the anger left her eyes and a self satisfied smirk crawled across her lips.  
-I’m glad we have an understanding. Now, shall we get down the business?- 

An awkward cough reminded the two Time Lords that they weren’t alone in room. “Excuse me, Missy, I’m due to be closing the shop but I know how long you’ve been waiting to see your friend so you guys can stay. I’ll be in the back taking stock. Can I get you anything to drink, Doctor?” George asked. “Oh Doctor, you must try the double espresso. It is to die for” Missy smiled, enunciating every syllable, “he’ll have a double espresso, George. Thanks a million” she answered for the Doctor, leading him to a table at the far corner. 

-I like George. He’s a good lad, very obliging. I haven’t paid for a single drink since I’ve been trapped here and its been months... Earth months...linear months. Not very nice for a Time Lady accustomed to all of time and space. Mind you, it’s not quite as bad as the Time Lock. You were responsible for that one too if I remember correctly. And I’m never mistaken so I must be correct.-

Ignoring Missy’s jibe about Gallifrey, the Doctor turned his attention to the first part of what she had said. She was trapped on Earth, how? It didn’t make sense. 

-Why are you trapped on Earth?-  
-Hush, dear. I’ll take questions at the end. Now where was I? Oh yes, George. My lovely Georgie boy. I could kill him, you know.-  
-What? You just said you liked him.-  
-More questions? Oh dear, you just aren’t listening are you? If you do insist on being so inquisitive, you need to start asking the right questions. Now, Doctor, think really hard. What is the question that you need to by asking?-  
The Doctor sighed, he knew exactly what the question was.  
-What do I need to do to stop you killing him?-  
“Top of the class!” She exclaimed, manic eyes wide as her outburst attracted the attention of George, who was blissfully unaware of the threat on his life. Missy found his ignorance hilarious as she smiled at the young human before returning her attention to the Doctor. “I need a ride out of here. My vortex manipulator broke when I was on Skaro. Thanks for that by the way. Anyway, my Tardis is also broken and a little bit lost. You’re also going to need to help me locate and repair it. A lot to ask, I know, but what are friends for?” She finished snidely, accepting her drink gracefully from George. 

The Doctor thanked George for his own coffee and took a sip as he thought over everything Missy had just said. It was hard for him to know what to believe with her anymore and he was very aware of her presence still lingering in the back of his mind. But, he also knew that this was a chance to redeem himself of the guilty feelings he had been harbouring when he arrived on Qonides. There were no human friends travelling with him at the moment so he could risk taking Missy aboard the Tardis. It would also be a chance, he hoped, to find out how she had escaped Gallifrey.  
“I’ll help you, Missy. Against my better judgement, I trust you and you did come to me when I needed you” he said eventually, watching as she visibly relaxed. Perhaps he really was her last chance at leaving Earth. He still had a million questions about Qonides and the Medallion. 

“Well, I should think so too. I need to go back to the flat and get some things and then we’ll head to the Tardis?” The Doctor nodded, finding the idea of her residing in a flat odd but choosing not to comment. “Fine. But you need to tell me why you stole the Medallion from Qonides? Was that just another trick to get my attention?” Missy smiled. “Oh that. Well, you are so difficult to reach these days I had to resort to extreme measures. The Doctor sighed. “Once your Tardis is fixed, we’re going back to Qonides to fix the mess you caused. Understand?” Missy nodded, as she reached into her pocket for the and gently stroked the precious gem. Realising she still had a mental link with the Doctor, she quickly retreated out of his mind. She didn’t think he’d be able to read her full motivations for stealing the gem but given how far into her mind he’d gotten earlier, she wasn’t going to risk it. “If I really must go back to that planet and explain myself, I will but there will be no apology. Right, there’s no need for that mental link now you’ve been so compliant, is there? We don’t need to know every little secret of each others.” The Doctor groaned at the roughness of her retreat, feeling a headache coming on. There really was nothing gentle about her and he was starting to wonder whether he had made another stupid mistake.


	4. Chapter 4

“And to your left, you will see Highgate Cemetery” Missy proclaimed, motioning her left arm and giving her best tour guide impression. “Yes, I know where we are. I’ve spent more time on Earth, particularly in London, than you ever have so drop the act” he growled, growing impatient with her theatrics having already been taken on the extensive tour of the rather unremarkable high street. The Doctor had no interest in seeing the electronics shop that was “dreadfully ill-equipped for making repairs” or the pub where Missy had “beaten the local rugby team in a drinking match.” Missy sighed dramatically and looped her arm through his, resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh you spoil sport. You always get to do the tour guide thing with your companions.” “I’m not your companion” he said, making no attempt to move out of her grip. In truth, it was nice to be close to someone so familiar. He had missed her and not having the opportunity to be close to her since she returned from Gallifrey had been harder than he was willing to admit. “I don’t take companions, anyway. They’d only get under my feet” she sighed. “Omega forbid you’d spend time with another being” he muttered back, turning to look at the graveyard.

It was dusk and the dark clouds that had started to form overhead reminded him of when he had first discovered she was back and the chaos that followed. For a minute, he wondered if she was manipulating the atmosphere deliberately. Almost as though she had read his thoughts she casually remarked, “reminds me of your birthday.” “Funny that” he sniped, now sure that she had orchestrated the scene. “I still don’t know what I did wrong. I gave you the means to save people and planets. They were all dead, anyway. I gave them a new life and you the chance for redemption” she said wistfully. The Doctor withdrew from her grip, staring down at her with his face contorted in anger. “How can you say that? It was immoral. You played on the most fundamental fear in the universe. Even you’re terrified of dying! You exploited that fear” he ranted, trying in vain to make her understand. Looking at the lack of understanding in her eyes, he realised it hadn’t worked. She really did believe she was doing him a favour. Several birds flew overhead, forming a ‘V’ as they retreated to their nests. Missy’s eyes left his and followed the birds. The Doctor followed her eyes as they watched birds. As much as he wanted to trust her, every little movement was making him nervous. Rightly so, the more rational part of his psyche reminded him. The first drops of rain began to fall and the silence between them grew heavy. They began to walk again in search of their own shelter. “Sometimes I forget how sick you’ve become” he muttered with an exasperated sigh. Missy re-looped her arm in his, satisfied his outburst was over, “that’s rude, dear. I prefer to be called bananas. I think the last me was a little more sick.” The Doctor didn’t respond but silently agreed. He felt a drop of rain fall on his nose, followed by several more in quick succession. Glaring down at Missy, he wondered where her umbrella was now. “I concede”, Missy spoke after several seconds of silence, seemingly unbothered by the rain that was making strands of her hair fall loose and stick to her forehead. “I wasn’t completely good that day. I did kill a few people, but it was such fun. That little scientist girl was so scared. It was brilliant” she finished with a smirk, eyes alight with a wicked mischief that dared him to fight back. “Your new friends break so easily, dear.”

The Doctor halted and yanked her arm nearly hard enough to pull it from its socket, causing her to release surprised gasp. Her lips formed a smirk, how she loved it when he was so rough. “Stop it now. If you want my help, you’ll stop this” he hissed. It attracted the attention of the dog walker across the road. The stocky man approached, clad in an anorak and wellies “are you okay, love?” He asked face full of concern and all too keen to play the hero. Missy pitied him. The ‘have a go hero’ was middle-aged, probably stuck paying off a mortgage and in a loveless marriage. The only way he could make himself feel important was to help a damsel in distress. But what fun she could have playing the damsel. The Doctor rolled his eyes as Missy moved away from his grip, rubbing her arm dramatically. He knew he hadn’t hurt her in the slightest. She was going to make a meal out of this. “She’s fine” the Doctor answered gruffly, before she had a chance to start a battered wife routine. “Come on Missy, we’re going.” The man turned his attention to the Doctor, rising to his full height of an unimpressive 5ft6, “I was asking her, mate.” Missy silently snickered behind the man’s back, pulling a face at the Doctor. Not feeling threatened at all, the Doctor shrugged his shoulders as Missy prepared to take to the metaphorical stage. “I’m fine, thank you dear. Sometimes he can get so angry. I was only talking about old times” she said with an exaggerated sigh, dabbing away a tear that wasn’t there. The Doctor rolled his eyes, watching as the man approached Missy. “You don’t have to go with him, love. Not if you don’t feel safe” he spoke softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder. 

The Doctor held his breath in apprehension for the man’s safety, fearing that his fate was already sealed. He knew she didn’t like being touched by anyone that wasn’t him. She never had and was likely to strike out at the human. He noted that the fear that crossed her face for a split second was very real. It was the same fear that he’d seen in her eyes at the coffee shop earlier. Before he knew it, she had stepped away and had replaced her mask. Sometimes her playacting was too perfect for her own good the Doctor found himself thinking sadly, scolding himself for such a thought as he thought of all the times she used it too deceive him. Missy’s back straightened and he found himself preparing to witness an onslaught that he couldn’t prevent. The Doctor’s eyes lowered to her pockets where he was sure she was about to retrieve her weapon of choice. No weapon appeared. Instead, Missy blinked several times and clenched her hand into tight fists. He eyed the whiteness of her knuckles, she was trying to reign in her anger and the Doctor couldn’t fathom why, though he was relieved. Ordinarily, the unsuspecting dog walker would have been a goner. But not today. “I really will be fine” she said as cooly as she could manage before marching past both men and down the hill. The Doctor turned on his heel, following after her double time. The would-be samaritan watched after the pair before muttering something along the lines of “bloody Scots” and walking in the opposite direction. 

The Doctor caught up with her quickly, stepping into time with her walk. The pair were silent as they walked down the street. “We’re nearly there” Missy mumbled as they turned the corner onto a road lined with townhouses. She couldn’t believe that she’d let herself be spooked by a human and that she’d let him walk away without a scratch on him. As soon as she saw him put his arm out, she’d felt the control fall away. The game wasn’t fun when she wasn’t the one in control. In that instant, she’d wanted to kill him. Missy couldn’t have killed him in front of the Doctor, though, he would have left her and she would have been back to square one. She needed him for this to work. The Doctor nodded, pleased to be close to shelter from the now heavy downpour. “You didn’t kill him. Didn’t even hurt him” he said questioningly as they walked up the stairs to her flat. Missy unlocked the door and motioned for him to enter. “I’ve not turned good before you get fantastical ideas of us living happily ever after” she said quickly, locking the door behind her and pulling out a scanning device to check over the room. The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows at her behaviour. There was something she wasn’t telling him. “I wouldn’t dream of it. But why didn’t you kill him? You looked like you wanted to” he pressed, determined to find out what was really going on. “Did you want me to? Do make your mind up, dear, I thought you didn’t agree with killing the insects” she remarked as she discarded of her jacket and made her way into the kitchen. Apparently, she had fully embraced everyday living. It would almost be believable if it weren’t for the dreadful mess and mass of non-human technology that scattered the living floor room. 

“Do you want a cuppa?” she called out from the kitchen. The Doctor shook his head, “I don’t believe in murder” he said, continuing in his efforts to decode her behaviour. “My tea making skills aren’t that bad” she called back, ignoring his attempts at gaining an explanation. The Doctor stifled a laugh, refusing to be deterred “you know what I mean. I don’t believe in killing, but you do. I really thought when he put his hand out towards you that the poor fella was a walking corpse. I know you don’t like being touched” the Doctor almost whispered the last part, unsure whether he should have said it out loud. Missy was thankful that the kettle had started to boil at that moment. The whistling was just enough to cover the whimper that escaped her mouth at the mention of her dislike for physical contact and the memories that came with it. Anyone who knew her less than him would never have guessed her aversion to physical contact. It was her, after all, that had been so touchy with him. She loved the way this incarnation of him writhed under her touch, she loved the control she could have over him. She had to initiate the contact, though. They both knew those rules. Missy had never known a kind touch from anyone other than him. The harsh, unwanted touch of Time Lords and Daleks and the rest of the nasties of the universe she knew well. 

Closing her eyes, Missy bit down on the fleshy bit of skin between her thumb and forefinger. Don’t think about it. Not now. The kettle clicked and screeched and Missy opened her eyes pushing her memories to the back of her mind as she filled two cups. The Doctor would want tea really, she thought. Walking back into the living room with two cups of tea, she found him examining one of her failed repairs of a vortex manipulator. “I like being touched by you though” she said, theatrically winking at him. The Doctor accepted the tea, glancing at the fresh bite mark on her hand. It was pink and puffy, speckled with angry dots of blood. He looked up at her and she quickly looked away. He knew not to say anything. “Anyway” Missy continued “I could have killed him easily. I love this body. They all think I’m a weak and feeble woman. Humans and their primitive gender roles. The look on their faces when they realise their mistake is classic. Poor things” she enthused, taking a sip of tea before shrugging “but I couldn’t kill him because I need your help. You probably would have left me stranded again if I laid a finger on the interfering bastard.” 

The Doctor took a sip of his own tea, grimacing slightly. It was an awful tea. Domesticity didn’t suit Missy. He placed the cup back on the table and considered reminding her that that “interfering bastard” was trying to help her, even though she was in no real danger. Instead the Doctor decided to leave it and be happy that she hadn’t killed said bastard. “Have you done anything but drink tea and coffee since being stuck on Earth?” he joked. “Well, yes. I’ve been trying to repair those” she motioned to the pile of vortex manipulators “but I am partial to a tea break.” A siren screeched past on the street, the Doctor waited for the noise to pass before continuing. He’d forgotten how loud London could be, especially compared to deep space where he’d been spending most of his time up until now. “It should be pretty easy to repair, not like you to struggle with such a simple thing.” He said as he reached for his cup, remembering halfway how awful it was. His hand halted in midair and awkwardly returned to his knee. Missy was too busy critically eyeing her failures to notice his faux-pas. “I’ve been a bit off since leaving Skaro. Haven’t been on top form, truth be known” she sighed, stretching her arms out in front of her. Now it was the Doctor’s turn to look away, staring out of the window at the orange light flickering from a nearby lamppost. The rain lashed against the window and the silence between them grew heavy again. He knew she was fishing for an apology. Yes, he felt guilty about leaving her on Skaro but he’d be damned if he would apologise. He’d apologise as soon as she apologised about her behaviour towards Clara and that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. For now, this was his way of an apology. Being here, helping her with whatever trouble she had gotten herself into this time. The Doctor was sure there was something he was missing. There was something more going on here. 

“Bit nippy, isn’t it?” Missy broke the silence, “I’m going to put another jumper on. Do you want a blanket or something?” She asked as she got up from her position in the armchair reaching for their used cups. “Ooh, didn’t have much of your tea love” she observed. “I did say I didn’t want any” he shrugged, sparing her feelings and watching her walk back into the kitchen. “I thought you just wanted to collect some things and head to the Tardis?” The Doctor questioned, wondering why she was getting settled. Missy spun on her heel and looked to the front door and back to the Doctor. “No” she whispered and the Doctor narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion. She made her way over to the window, pulling the net curtain back and looking at the night sky. “It’s too late now, we need to leave in the morning.” 

The Doctor approached her slowly, he couldn’t decide whether she was scared of something or up to something.“We have a time machine. It doesn’t matter what time we leave.” She turned back to him “I know that, I’m not stupid. But we need to stay here tonight” she spat, glaring at him and softening as she added “please.” They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. “Are you planning something?” Missy shook her head, “I swear on my daughter’s grave I’m not” she promised, voice hitching at the end. The Doctor nodded. “We’ll stay here tonight then. But you need to start telling me the truth. What’s going on?” Missy pointedly ignored him, heading for her bedroom in search of an extra layer. The Doctor followed her, leaning against the door frame. Her bed looked as though it hadn’t been slept in since she arrived and the floor was littered with notes and folders and prototypes. It reminded him of when she was writing her thesis at the Academy and became focused on completing that and doing nothing else. “It’s rude to enter a lady’s bedroom without asking” she mumbled as she approached him, passing him a polka dot blanket. The pair returned to the living room and the Doctor surveyed the blanket curiously. “Just in case. It gets chilly in the evenings. The heating got cut off a few weeks back- I didn’t realise you had to pay for those things. Anyway, I figured out a way to rewire it and charge the bloke next door. Thank Rassilon I’ll be gone when his next bill comes through! Although, I would quite like to see his face. I bet it’ll be a picture” Missy laughed, hoping that the Doctor would stop asking intrusive questions. She suspected he wouldn’t, but her delaying tactics should buy her enough time to think of a convincing lie or suitable distraction. 

“Answer my question: What it really going on here?” the Doctor pressed, long fingers tugging at stray pieces of fluff from the blanket. “I’ve told you. Have you hit your head or something?” Missy responded immediately “stranded on Earth, broken vortex manipulator and lost Tardis. Should I get you a tag that says ‘please return to the Mistress if lost. Prone to bouts of confusion and repetition’ just in case you wonder off?” The old walls of the flat shook slightly as someone entered the building next door. A dog yapped, greeting it’s owner. Missy eyed the Doctor, waiting for a response swallowing in apprehension as his face darkened. She knew she was treading a fine line and was cautious of pushing him too far.

“Don’t play games” he shouted, limited patience at an end, “just stop whatever this is. I’m trying to help you, you need to be honest with me. I’ve said we’ll stay here tonight because you’ve said we need to, but you need to be honest with me” he waved his hands at her in exasperation. The Doctor’s voice was almost pleading by this stage and Missy felt almost guilty as she watched him run his hand down his face. She was about to open her mouth to respond with a half truth when the Doctor continued. She sat back in her seat, sensing an impending lecture. “You know, not so long ago, you said you wanted your friend back. I’m here and there are no humans. I’m not travelling with anyone at the moment and I really hoped that while we were sorting all of this out, it would be a chance to...to, well, try and salvage whatever it is our friendship has become. But you need to tell me the truth. If you don’t, I will leave you to deal with whatever this is alone. I’d feel guilty about it, but I’d still do it. The choice is yours Missy, tell me the truth or I’m leaving without you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have agonised over this chapter all week. Originally, I wasn't going to reveal what Missy had been planning and leave it for a later chapter. I'm still not sure about it. This chapter took quite a dark turn as well, there's issues such as  
> non-con and an infant death that could be triggering for some people. In some parts, both the Doctor and Missy are out of character but that's intentional as I've tried to explore their characters as from the past and how they've become who they are. Anyway, I'm rambling too much. I hope you enjoy the update and please let me know your opinions.

There is a story in Gallifreyan folklore about a waterfall on the planet of Strinazch. The waterfall is said to have formed on top of ground that emits special healing elements. In lore, it is said that the healing elements are so strong that they are able to resurrect beings that have been long dead. The story has a certain appeal, the type of appeal that all folklore surrounding death has. Missy had long been obsessed with the legends of the waterfall. Legends and myths weren’t something she usually believed in, but she knew that there was some truth in this particular story. More importantly, she knew that it was her best chance of bringing her daughter back. 

It’s a strange thing, parental love. Missy had never really been parent material, not even in her younger days on Gallifrey when she had had a baby. Parent material or not, she still loved her daughter more than anything in the universe. It was even stranger to think about how much of Missy’s life had been taken up by trying to bring her daughter back. She had only had her daughter for little over an hour when she was taken from her. In the centuries since then, Missy had spent many hours fixating on how she could bring her daughter back. The amount of time she spent on such planning varied with each regeneration but recently she’d had a breakthrough. 

The Time Lords had been the ones that released her from the Dalek Camp. They had come to her with a proposition. They would give her the co-ordinates to Strinazch along with the instructions on how to bring her daughter back to life if she stole the Emerald Medallion of Eternity for them. Missy didn’t want to think about what they were planning. She didn’t really care, she just knew she had to get the co-ordinates. 

Tonight, they were doing the exchange. 

 

*****************

The truth or he would leave.  
The Doctor lies, but he wasn’t lying now.   
Missy had a decision to make: tell him the truth and watch her plan fall apart or try her luck at a convincing lie and hope he wouldn’t see through it.   
She wanted to scream. She could feel the pressure mounting inside her head, the drums were creeping out threatening to start at any minute. Her breathing was constricted as the Doctor’s intense glare bore into her. Think, think, think. Say something, say something, say something. 

The Mistress had always had a problematic relationship with honesty. For the most part, she was more than happy to dip in and out of fact and fiction. It wasn’t always intentional, as a young boy she had found it easier to live in fantasies lying about her high brow lineage and using delusions of great power to shield her from the relentless bullying. As she became older and the universe hardened her, she no longer needed the lies to protect her. But she had learnt the power of lying. She had learnt how pretty little words strung together in just the right way and said in a certain, well rehearsed tone could be her greatest asset. 

But this lie, and she decided she needed to lie, wasn’t a tool for manipulation. This lie was needed. This lie was her lifeline. 

The Doctor sat watching her reaction with curiosity, deciding that he wasn’t going to rush her response. Lately, it had been rare to see his old friend not act impulsively jumping straight into a response that both of them were sure she hadn’t meant. He found himself wanting to encourage her return to more controlled, methodical responses. After several minutes had passed, he felt the need press further. There was a nagging at the back of his mind that she was frightened and perhaps he was putting her in an impossible position. “Are you scared of something?” He pressed, eyes narrowing, “because you can tell me if you are. I’m your friend first and foremost.” 

Scared! Missy wished she was scared. Scared was an emotion she knew how to handle. She’d been scared plenty of times in her life and could easily channel it into anger or destruction. No she wasn’t scared, she was hopeful. For the first time in centuries, she had a glimmer of hope and that was a hundred times worse than fear. There was so much more to lose with hope than there was with fear.

“Did you hear me, Missy? I’m your friend, despite everything and most of my better judgement. I can’t promise that I can fix it, but I can try” the Doctor spoke again, ducking his head gingerly as Missy laughed. 

“Sorry, dear I’m not laughing at you. Honestly. It’s just I remember you saying something along those lines when my daughter was born. Funny, how many centuries have passed and some things stay the same.”   
The Doctor looked up at her and coughed awkwardly, “so the truth?”

*****************  
Everyone in the universe always assumes that this incarnation is the first time that the Master has taken a female form. Everyone that is except the Doctor, who knows that’s not the case. It is a bit of a grey area, like so much of life. In a way it is true, this is the first time the Master has been a woman. But it’s not the first time that she had been a woman. A long time ago, before either her or the Doctor had left Gallifrey for the first time, she had been a woman. They hadn’t been the Master and the Doctor then, both going by ancient, long forgotten names instead. Of course, whether she had been male or female was of very little significance. They had been living on Gallifrey, gender meant very little. In fact, there was a time during that period, she seemed to recall, when the Doctor had been female too. Maybe that was a lie, she honestly couldn’t remember. It didn’t really matter in the end. But somewhere along the line her gender had become important, it had mattered. 

Missy had become pregnant and it had been shameful. 

Reproducing primitively, instead of the graceful, sophisticated way that a Time Lord should loom off spring. In stuffy Time Lord Society, it was one of the ultimate taboos. The human-ness of it all still made her cringe. This child was destined to be an outcast. She had wished that the Doctor was the father. Wished for it more than anything in the universe. The Doctor had, she’d liked to think back then, been her soulmate. She had long stopped believing in such fairytales, but still thought of their relationship as special. It was something sacred. It was something too complex for words. She knew he felt the same. Even all those centuries ago, Missy had hated physical contact. The idea of losing control over her own senses in the throes of passion terrified her. She had, however, enjoyed the intensity that came with telepathic intimacy. Over time, her relationship with the Doctor began to merge both physical and telepathic intimacy helping her realise that physical touch was something that could be enjoyed. She’d begun to realise that enjoying physical contact with another Time Lord didn’t need to mean she was losing control. Missy liked to think that she’d helped the Doctor to realise the pleasures that could come from such intimacy as well as the other way around. 

The Doctor wasn’t the father of her baby, though. By the time the child was conceived, their relationship had started to deteriorate. They were both still so young. The Doctor had started to grow rapidly concerned about her need for control and the lengths that she would go to for absolute power. His concern quickly turned to disapproval. Missy couldn’t understand his disapproval, she just needed to be in power. If she was in power, she could control Gallifrey the way it needed to be controlled. The Universe would follow and then finally the chaos would be gone and things would work her way. If the universe would work her way, she wouldn’t need to cling on to routine and order and control so much. So you see, this goal was what drove Missy to start her career within the High Council. It wasn’t always about coups and bloody revolutions, not in the early days. 

But she didn’t progress as fast as she’d hoped. In the archaic society, her madness led to her being labelled diseased. Everyone knew about the drums, everyone knew about her compulsions for control and everyone knew about her growing instability. No one wanted a Time Lord that was teetering on the brink of insanity to have any say in the ruling of Gallifrey. Missy remembered how relieved the Doctor had been when she revealed the barriers she was facing. He’d tried to hide it, but she had seen right through him. In a warped way, his poorly veiled relief had made her more determined to pursue the power she had craved. They’d had the worst row they had ever had that night. Of course, in the centuries since, they’d had dozens that were far worse but this was the first time it had happened; it hurt in that special kind of way that only fresh pain can. It was raw and scolded them both to the core. The next morning, the Doctor had left Gallifrey and Missy didn’t see him for fifty years. She took his desertion personally, returning to her work with a newfound ambition. 

Missy quickly learned that there was more than one way to achieve the power she needed. She might have hated sexual contact with anyone that wasn’t the Doctor, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that sex, like lying, was an excellent weapon to use for manipulation. The need for power outweighed her discomfort and Missy quickly formed a relationship with one of the most powerful members of the High Council. It had all been in secret. Respectable members of the High Council didn’t engage in such primitive activities, after all. They were above such base urges. The arrangement had been working so well. In exchange for her body, Missy had been able to influence Gallifreyan policy and was slowly working her way into a position of power. 

Sex and lies are powerful weapons. Missy knew this. But just like any powerful weapon, they could be turned against you in an instant. This is where the memories get blurry. 

She remembered that the Doctor had returned.   
She remembered that they had restarted their relationship. They were going to leave Gallifrey together.   
She remembered that the High Council member she had been manipulating learnt of her and the Doctor and their plans.   
He’d ego had been bruised. (How much more it would be bruised if he ever knew that she had long forgotten his name. For centuries, he had been known as nothing more than “X” in her mind).   
She remembered how X had “shown her what true power was”.   
X had forced his way into her mind with a violent determination. Then, with an equal determination, he’d forced his way into her body. He was everywhere all at once and there was no escape.   
She’d tried to repel him from her mind. It hadn’t worked. She’d tried to scream. He’d placed a hand over her mouth.

Gallifreyan society doesn’t have a word for what X had done to her. The way that he had violated her. She’d wanted a word for it. Wanted a way to stop it being abstract and categorise it in her mind. The Doctor had told her about the human concept of rape centuries later, when they’d both been imprisoned by one alien race or another. She’d been he by then. The one with the goatee, to be precise, and the Doctor had been the one with the poofy hair. Miss Grant had been asleep on the camp bed in the corner of the cell. (Already, human playthings had started to impose on their most intimate moments). The Doctor had whispered it to him. He had sounded so proud of himself. So proud that he could provide a word after all this time. Like he could fix it all with this one little, magic word. The Master had punched him. He punched him partly because the Doctor wasn’t allowed to feel prideful about anything to do with what had happened. But, mainly, he punched him because even being given a label didn’t change what had happened and didn’t help it make sense. It didn’t stop it hurting. It didn’t bring his daughter back. 

Her daughter. That’s where this trip down memory lane was heading, she didn’t delve into this part of her life often and when she did it was hard to stay focused. Missy had fallen pregnant after X’s revenge. Following the attack, she had stopped functioning and cut herself off from everything. She had avoided the Doctor, terrified that he would see what had happened and look at her differently. Eventually, the Doctor left Gallifrey again without her. It took her months to realise that she was pregnant and once she found out, it hadn’t taken the High Council long to find out. 

They had sent her away to some village outside of the Capitol, to a provincial prison.  
There had been complications with the birth and she’d had an emergency Caesarean.   
She still had the scar that ran across her lower abdomen. It stayed with her in every incarnation.   
She’d been drowsy when they’d placed her daughter in her arms.   
The mixture of drugs and exhaustion had disappeared instantly and she knew that she loved her daughter more than anything in the universe.  
They had snatched her daughter from her arms, taken the tiny infant outside and smothered it to death. No trace was to be left of the oversight.   
There was no room for the runt in Gallifrey. Especially not a Gallifrey on the cusp of the Time War.   
All Missy had had left of her daughter was a tiny lock of hair.

It’s funny, the Time Lords had tortured her in many ways in the centuries since this period of her life. But nothing they had done had ever been as bad as the conception, birth and death of her daughter. She had been allowed to stay in her room at the provincial prison to recover for a period of time she didn’t recall. The Doctor had come to see her at some point in the early days of her recovery and it was the only time in their lives where she had been the one to not recognise the other. He’d regenerated, of course he had. He burnt through his regenerations so quickly. 

“I had a baby. A little girl” Missy had told him when she had eventually recognised him. She had been laying in a tiny ward bed, propped up by cushions. 

“I heard” he had said, as he pulled a chair up to the side of her bed. 

“I didn’t want him to do it, I tried to stop him. I really did want to leave with you last year” she had told him, “I didn’t want him to do it” she had repeated in a whisper, still exhausted and desperate to be believed. She had never thought she would have to explain what had happened to the Doctor. She hadn’t really been thinking much about anything since it had all started. 

“He told me what had happened. Well, he told me his version of what had happened. He said that you had fallen pregnant and where I could find you. It didn’t sound like you, I knew something was off. I filled in the gaps” He had explained, she had just nodded. “I’m so sorry, why didn’t you tell me?” He had asked as he attempted to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, horrified when she had flinched away and winced from the sudden movement. 

She had shaken her head, “I couldn’t.” 

The Doctor had nodded, “where’s your daughter now?” 

He didn’t know everything, then, she had thought. “They killed her.” 

The Doctor had cried at that- ugly tears that had raced down his cheek and hadn’t belonged to him. Those had been her tears not his. Missy had been jealous- she had wanted to cry but felt too numb. She had been trying to cry for days and he had managed it in under ten minutes.  
The Doctor had mumbled an apology and stepped outside. Missy had thought she had disgusted him with her lack of emotion. She had been too tired to find out whether or not he would be back. She hadn’t cared. She had sunk her head back into the pillows and closed her eyes. She had been drifting on the edge of consciousness, not quite awake and not quite asleep when the Doctor had returned. She hadn’t bothered to open her eyes. 

“I know you’re tired” he had begun, “but I need to tell you something important.” 

He had sounded so serious. Missy has always thought that it was the first time he had truly hated the other Time Lords. Since that awful night nearly a thousand years ago, he had missed them, loved them and returned to hating them several times over. But that night, she thinks, had been the first time he had hated them. Missy just hated them. She had hated them yesterday, she hated them today and she would hate them tomorrow. She did know when they could be useful, though.

She had blinked her eyelids open, eyes catching on the wispy lock of hair that had rested on the bedside cabinet. “I’m listening” she had assured, eyes still fixed on the last remnants of her daughter.   
The Doctor had followed her eyes to the lock of hair and looked away quickly. “I can’t make this better, I don’t even know how to start to try and make this better. But, I am your friend and I’m not leaving you here alone. I’ll stay with you here until you’re able to walk about and then we’ll leave Gallifrey together.”   
Missy had forced her gaze up to the Doctor “Do you have your Tardis here now?” He had nodded. “Then why wait? Let’s leave now. I can rest on the Tardis and we can leave this useless rock and never return.” He hadn’t argued.

Neither the Doctor nor Missy could truthfully recall how long they managed to travel together for. It would be a lie to say it was a happy time in their lives, there were happy moments but there were also gut-wrenchingly sad moments. Settled, perhaps is a better way to describe this period. Not settled in the conventional use of the word, but a settled period in their relationship. Missy had ached for her daughter while the Doctor had pined for the friend he was losing. It was over this period that Missy really became the Master and the Doctor really became the Doctor. 

It had been after one of the happier moments of this time that the Doctor had gifted Missy with her cameo brooch. They had been visiting an alien antique market and something about one of the market vendors had tickled Missy. The Doctor had never figured out whether it was the dodgy mustache, the top hat that was too small for his head or the post-Earth colonial accent that combined a Geordie/Scouse/German dialect. Whatever it was, something about the vendor had made her howl with laughter. It was the first time since everything had happened that he had seen her laugh. He’d tried to ask her what she had found so funny but had ending up laughing himself. The two of them had fallen into uncontrollable fits of giggles, laughing the way that only those that haven’t laughed in too long could. The poor vendor had floundered on their periphery, still attempting to sell them something from his stall. His attempts had made them laugh even more. The Doctor had felt guilty and bought the brooch. Later, he had given it to Missy and watched as she had made it trans-dimensional and placed her daughter’s lock of hair inside for safe keeping.   
*****************

“It’s about your daughter, isn’t it?” The Doctor asked, watching as Missy’s eyes failed to meet his and fell on a spot over his shoulder. That was all the confirmation he needed. “You’ve mentioned her twice in the last hour. You never mention her that much unless you’re thinking about her and you never think about her unless-” 

 

“I think about her everyday” Missy cut him off harshly, glassy eyes daring him to contradict her statement.

“I know that, I just mean that you seem to be thinking about her more than usual and that makes me think it has something to do with whatever is going on here” the Doctor explained. He watched as Missy’s eyes returned to his and he could pinpoint the exact second that her guards were back up. It was like a switch had gone on in her mind and reminded him too much of when they had first encountered each other in these bodies and she had pretended to be a droid. The rain had stopped lashing against the window and had made way for heavy gusts of wind. It was getting colder and the Doctor was glad for blanket that now cover his legs.

“You’re wrong, anyway, I haven’t mentioned her twice” she told him and he shook his head. “Not directly, no, but you swore on her grave earlier and spoke about what I had said to you when it all happened. Even if you hadn’t mentioned those things, you always have the same look on your face when you’re thinking about her. You’ve been in your own little world for the last half an hour and you were projecting very loudly.” 

Missy’s head shot up, had the Doctor heard the plan she had reached with the Time Lords to bring her? “You could hear what I was thinking?” She asked as cooly as possible, already thinking of suitable explanations. “Not exactly, but you were projecting a hazy purple. You always do that when you’re thinking about her. I could feel that you were thinking about what he had done as well, I figured that was my fault for mentioning the touching thing earlier” the Doctor shrugged, trailing off and watching her sympathetically. 

Missy held her hand up for him to stop talking, releasing a shaky breath of relief as she realised he was none the wiser. “I’m sorry, I was thinking too loudly. I’m usually more careful than that” she apologised genuinely. 

“There are lots of things you need to apologise for. Thinking about your daughter and everything that happened will never be one of them” he reassured her. The words sounded so familiar to Missy, he had probably said them to her before. 

“You want the truth, don’t you?” Missy asked, not waiting for his response. “Well it is about my daughter. While I’ve been here, I’ve been doing some research and an old contact from Gallifrey had some information about her death. They were going to drop by with the files tonight. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything about it. I killed anyone that was involved years ago. It’s just, anything to do with her I need to know. It’s stupid, really, I only had her for such a short amount of time there can’t be that much to left to know.”

The Doctor narrowed his eyes, “I understand that you want to know everything you can” he said as gently as possible, “but is this going to lead to trouble?” 

Missy shook her head, “it’s just some old files and the contact is harmless. I met him while I was in prison during the War and he just wants to do anything he can to get back at the Time Lords. That’s why he stole the files.”

The Doctor looked at her, contemplating everything she had told him. A contact from prison wanting revenge on the Time Lords sounded like the furthest thing from harmless, but he knew if it was his own children he would want to know. With a resigned sigh, he accepted what Missy had told him. “Okay. We’ll stay here tonight then, you’ll collect the files and we’ll leave in the morning. But please be careful, you don’t always think with the right frame of mind when it comes to your daughter.” 

Missy nodded, it was the closest he would get to receiving a thank you. “Now that’s sorted, I could do with another cup of tea” the Doctor declared, waving Missy back into her seat when she attempted to head to the kitchen. “I’ll get them” he wanted a tea he could drink, after all. Once the Doctor was out of sight Missy sunk back into her chair with a heavy sigh. She knew she shouldn’t have lied about this, but she couldn’t let the Doctor ruin her plan. If she had told him she was planning on bringing her daughter back he would have looked at her pitifully and put a stop to it. Then he would have treated her like she was properly insane, not just mad. He would have pitied her actions, not condemned them. The only thing worse than that would have been losing her daughter all over again. And that would have happened too. 

This lie was a necessary one.


	6. Chapter 6

“Right, so I’ve got a wee bit of pasta left. No sauce though. Is that alright with you?” Missy called out, head inside the kitchen cupboard and voice muffled. The Doctor approached the kitchen doorway and took in the sight as he leant against the frame. Empty boxes of cereal and crisp packets littered the kitchen floor, he knew she had been trying to distract him from what she had said earlier about her daughter. There was probably a part of her that was trying to distract herself as well. About half an hour ago, she had decided she needed to cook him a substantial meal; realising half way through laying out the pots and pans that she might not have any food. The Doctor had watched her grow more jittery all evening, clearly apprehensive at collecting the documents from her contact. “Oh, actually, I might have some cheese in the fridge” she said as she turned to sit with her back against the cupboard and brushed off the layer of dust that had collected on her jeans. “Have a look” she said motioning to the fridge in the corner of the room. The Doctor opened the door and light skimmed across the tiled floor. Sure enough, there was a block of cheddar in the otherwise empty fridge. Lifting the cheese out, avoiding the scabs of blue mold, the Doctor gagged as the pungent scent reached his nose. “Ah good, I told you there was some cheese” she exclaimed as she jumped up and walked towards him, scrunching her nose up. “Bit funky, isn’t it? Scrape the blue bits off and it’ll be fine. Cheese gets better with age, anyway. A bit like something, or rather someone, else I-” 

The Doctor coughed loudly, deliberately interrupting the direction in which she was taking the conversation. Not only did it make him uncomfortable, he was still angry at her for the cyberarmy and her actions on Skaro, but he also knew that her current flirtatious behaviour was self-preservation. She would never genuinely act that forward with him so soon after thinking about everything that had happened on Gallifrey. Not even in this incarnation. “This isn’t cheese” he stated, waving it in her direction before dumping it in the rubbish bin, “this looks more like a science experiment. Are you planning on taking over a planet using moldy cheese? If you are, I must say it’s not one of your better efforts” the Doctor teased, watching as she scowled at the bin. “It’ll have to be plain pasta then. Bit boring, but apparently, so are you now. Too boring to try a little bit of moldy cheese” she let out an exaggerated sigh, arms flailing in the air. The Doctor could sense the nervous, manic energy she was letting off. It had been the same in their academy days when she had been too engaged with one of her projects and more recently, during their year together on the Valiant when there had been days that the drums had been out of control. On those days, everyone else had thought she had just been crueler, more maniacal than normal; the Doctor had seen the pain and the confusion and the way she had been spiralling out of control, though. In the past, he’d been too young or too frightened for the safety of his friends to be able to help her. Now, he could at least try.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry” the Doctor repeated with a patience in his voice he didn’t think he was capable of- this was about the tenth time that he had told her that he wasn’t hungry. “And I told you that you look like a beanpole” Missy continued jabbing at his chest with her index finger, grinning wildly. “Go on, just a teeny something. I promise I won’t poison it or anything” she pressed, throwing her head back laughing. The Doctor turned away, not finding any humour in her words, instead returning to his seat in the lounge. “Oh come on, I was only joking. You used to have fun, what happened to your sense of humour Mr. Grumpy?” She continued, following him and stopping in the doorway, slouching against the frame. You, he thought to himself, you stopped joking about killing people and started doing it. The Doctor took a deep breath, he wasn’t going to run away from his friend this time, however much she tested his patience. “Come and sit down, eh? You’re getting all worked up. I don’t like it when you’re like this.” Missy, who had surprisingly followed his suggestion to sit down, let out a low, disapproving laugh. “Oh what do you prefer me when I’m destroying galaxies?” The Doctor’s face clouded over, she wasn’t making it easy for him. “That’s not what I mean and you know it. You’re starting to act manic and you need to calm down. I know it’s because we were talking about your daughter and what happened but you need to keep a clear head, especially if you’re insisting on collecting those files” he explained in a matter of fact manner, falling short of stating he thought it was a mistake; he knew nothing good could come from her finding out anything new but he knew stopping her wasn’t a real option. He watched as she let out a deep breath and tapped the arm rest, “fine” she said abruptly. Clearly not happy with his concern, however well-meaning it may have been. 

The silence between them grew awkward and for the first time that evening the Doctor felt compelled to fill it. “Do you want to talk about her? You know, while we’re waiting for your contact?” He asked gruffly, tongue catching at the mention of her contact. The question came out much more carelessly than he had hoped. “No” Missy spat, making a clear effort to remain calm, “and no, we’re not waiting for my contact. I’m waiting for my contact. You’re going to make yourself scarce.” The Doctor’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, thin lips forming into an ‘O’ shape. He might not have been able to get her to talk about her daughter, but he wasn’t going to let her do this alone. “What do you expect me to do, hide in your wardrobe?” Missy shrugged, “I don’t care what you do, but you’re not going to be here when they are. You’re not going to ruin this for me!” The Doctor watched Missy’s eyes widen at the last part, clearly she hadn’t meant to say that last bit, “What is there to ruin? Whatever this new information is, it’s not going to bring her back” he shot back defensively, glaring at her. Missy coughed and he watched her tighten her grip on the armrest. Her nails clawed at a rip in the suede cover and fingers sank into the stuffing that started to spew out and onto the floor. “You do realise that, don’t you?” He asked, softening his tone slightly as he began to fear that his friend might not actually realise this fact. Grief did strange things to people, he knew that more than most. “Of course I realise that” she lied. “Anyway, my contact doesn’t like you. I met them in prison, after all. They know about your martyr complex and what you did and undid to Gallifrey. If you’re here, they probably would be less willing to part with their information. That’s what I meant when I said that you’d ruin it” Missy explained, not sounding as certain of herself as she normally did. She hoped that he wouldn’t question the identity of her non-existent contact, she’d never met anyone in prison and, even if she had, she wouldn’t trust them enough to gain information. “Fine”, the Doctor conceded, “as long as you really do realise that, because sometimes I don’t think you do.” Missy didn’t bother to respond to him. 

Another hour had passed and the Doctor had found himself flicking through the channels on the television, settling on a Channel Five documentary on moon landing conspiracy theories. He could tell Missy had been actively trying to calm down, so did his best to ignore her occasional pacing and tapping. About ten minutes ago, she seemed to have settled and they had fallen into a companionable silence. The Doctor had felt the warm buzzing of another Time Lord presence at the back of his mind and couldn’t help but relax. There was no replacement for being in the company of his own kind, especially when it was her. “Pause it a minute” Missy demanded, surprising the Doctor who thought she hadn’t been paying attention (he would have expected many more sarcastic comments. She hadn’t so much as sighed and they were a full twenty minutes in). “You, my dear, are no good at hiding” she teased him pointing to the top corner of the screen. “Look at you, all curls and scarf. Well, I guess that disproves the nut job claiming the landing was filmed in some American studio. What were you doing on the moon, anyway? It’s so boring. Actually, scratch that, I’ve answered my own question.” The Doctor threw a pillow at her, pressing the play button once more, “for all you know, I could have been visiting an American TV studio.” Missy scoffed, “I wouldn’t be surprised. You do so love this planet.” The documentary credits began to scroll down the screen and the pair turned to each other with matching smirks. “It’s always so much more fun watching these things when you know what really happened” the Doctor confessed, breaking into a knowing grin. Missy mirrored his grin, “aye, that it is. Knowing something more than everyone else always is the best.” The Doctor felt a shiver run down his spine, he wished she would stop reminding him of that day in the graveyard but that time, unlike before, he was sure she hadn’t done it intentionally. She always had enjoyed knowing more than everyone else. 

“What time are they due to drop the files off?” He asked, changing the subject and stifling a yawn. “Dunno. Didn’t give specifics. You should go to bed, you look tired. I bet you haven’t slept in ages. You can take my bed, I won’t be sleeping tonight” Missy told him and the Doctor couldn’t help but notice the care in her eyes as she scanned over his features. He was tired, but he wasn’t going to head to bed just yet. “It has been ages, I was heading to Qonides to relax. Rassilon, that seems a lifetime ago now” the Doctor said as he ran a hand across his face, tired eyes looking up at Missy. “I’ll take you up on the offer of using your bed, but not just yet. You know, we haven’t really spent anytime alone since you returned from Gallifrey. You skulked off to lick your wounds after that disastrous idea of a birthday present” the Doctor paused, watching Missy shake her head and laugh. “I wasn’t licking my wounds. Anyway, you thought I was dead” she protested, releasing her hair from its tight ponytail and combing her fingers through the waves. “No, I didn’t. I learnt a long time ago never to underestimate your survival skills” he countered, crossing his legs and admiring the way her curls shaped her face. The Doctor liked her with long hair, he had decided. Her last female body had always kept her hair short, but long hair suited this face. Missy scoffed, and for a minute the Doctor feared he had projected his thoughts.

Fortunately, she had just taken offense with what he had actually said, not what he had thought. “Yeah and that’s why you’re always so surprised when I show up, is it?” She questioned, one perfectly shaped eyebrow arched at him. “Just because I was surprised, doesn’t mean I thought you were dead” the Doctor didn’t think the argument sounded logical, but he knew what he meant and, judging by Missy’s expression, she knew what he meant too. “Anyway, when we went to Skaro, I wasn’t in exactly the right frame of mind to be alone with you. And Clara was there” he shrugged, his words were turning more into a stream of consciousness but he knew what he was trying to say. He wanted to tell her that he had missed spending time with her, that they needed to catch up. He knew she would never change, not now, but they had managed to maintain a peaceful co-existence in the past; couldn’t they try again, he wanted to ask. Sure, they were working together now because they had to but it could provide the perfect opportunity to try and salvage their friendship. She was the one that had wanted her friend back, so why was he so scared of rejection? “And you left me on Skaro” Missy reminded him, interrupting his train of thought, she wasn’t going to stop trying to make him feel bad about that. “I did, I’m not going to apologise for that so you can stop trying to get one” He told her calmly, she sighed. “Don’t you feel bad? Not even a teensy bit? I’m terrified of Skaro” she pressed, face turning petulant. “I know you are and I do feel bad, but I’m still not apologising. You weren’t faultless and I’ll apologise when you apologise.” Missy stood, stretching, reaching up onto her toes and clicking her back “I don’t think so. Shall we agree to disagree?” The Doctor nodded and watched Missy walk over to the window, “the reason I started this conversation was to say we’re long overdue some time just the two of us.” 

Missy turned back to face him, walking towards where he was sat and hovering at the sofa edge. “Can I sit with you?” She asked cautiously and the Doctor couldn’t quite place the tone of her voice. “Of course you can. It’s your flat after all” he said nodding and watching her sink into the seat next to him. “I’ve missed you” she confessed after a while, staring at him intensely. He found himself wondering whether she had ever been capable of not being intense. “Thank you for agreeing to wait the night. You didn’t need to do that and I didn’t mean to get worked up earlier. Most of the time when that happens I am on my own and don’t notice it has happened.” Clearly, it was Missy’s turn for a confessional monologue. “I know. I remember” the Doctor said, thinking back on their shared past. “You seem to have it more under control in this body than your last though.” Missy nodded, a flicker of a smile playing on her lips; she was proud of being able to get back to a stage where she was in control. “I’m pleased about that” the Doctor confessed, he had hated the way he had left it with her last self and any sign that things were slightly better was a good thing. The wind continued to howl outside and the Doctor felt his eyes drifting closed, slowly enticing him to sleep. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Missy’s voice pierced through the silence and forced him to open his eyes once more. Her voice wasn’t accusing or mocking but genuinely concerned and a little bit curious. He could sense that she was frustrated at herself; clearly having figured something was wrong but unable to figure out exactly what it was. The Doctor knew she hated not knowing and suppressed a smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He quipped as he let his head lull to one side to face her. Missy creased her brow, “I would” she said seriously, “you’re travelling alone. That’s always the first warning sign. Where’s Clara? Did she settle down with a new model after her cyber-boyfriend never returned? That didn’t take long, but it never does with humans.” The Doctor sighed, eyes lowering as he stretched forward clicking on the lamp next to him. The room had darkened quickly as night fell. After a slight humming, a dome of light burst from the lampshade and re-lit the room with artificial light. “Please don’t ruin it” the Doctor pleaded as he adjusted his eyes to the light. Right now, they both needed each other and he was determined not to be deterred by her taunts. Maybe he could let her comments go here or there; she wasn’t killing anyone or even hurting anyone. Except with her words. Despite her rage and violent outbursts, her biting insults always had been her greatest strength. The Doctor remembers the days in their childhood when Missy would wind him up with her acid tongue and he’d lash out. In his latest regeneration, the Doctor feared the reaction that Missy got out of him. It was much more like his younger days but he knew he couldn’t react in the same way he had in his youth. Missy was too volatile and too vulnerable now. On any given day, she would break him or break herself depending on her state of mind. The Doctor was the same, but managed to have a bit more restraint; preferring to leave her than rise to her jibes. It was funny, how as they had grown older he had grown more restrained while she had lost her capacity for it. Somedays, he did wish he could be the easier going, younger Doctor that had promised to help her and see the universe alongside if she just promised to stay alive. But she hadn’t responded to him like that, pride getting in the way. Perhaps, this gruffer version of him was something she would respond to better. Tough love was better than no love, for both of them. Either way, he couldn’t take her snide comments about Clara. You really don’t know what happened, do you?” He asked realising that Lady Me had probably been teasing about Missy’s involvement. 

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about” she responded honestly. “Has someone hurt you? Tell me, I’ll make them hurt” Missy promised, eyes glazed with intensity. Outside, a train rattled past and cast little shadows of boxes along the wall as the carriages rode into the distance. The Doctor thought about how mundane it all was. All those anonymous people going about their daily lives unaware how close he had come to ripping the universe apart. All for Clara, all useless in the end. “You smell of Gallifrey. What have they done to you this time? You never remember what they’re like, dear.” Shaking his head, the Doctor found himself returning to the present. He heard the concern in Missy’s voice but he also heard the sadness. Missy had every reason to hate the Time Lords after everything she had experienced at their hands and she wanted him to hate them too. Every time he went back to Gallifrey or pined for the Time Lords, Missy took it personally. How could he forget and forgive so easily? “Doctor, if they have hurt a hair on your head I will make them pay” Missy promised, pushing aside her feelings. The Doctor found her loyalty terrifying; he craved it and feared it in equal measure. “That won’t be necessary. I did go back to Gallifrey, found it after being trapped in my confession dial. In a nutshell, Clara died and I remembered that the Time Lords are arses.” He paused there, waiting for her inevitable gloating. It never came. Instead, she cooed and ran a hand through his hair, stopping midway and stroking her thumb against the side of his temple. “My silly Doctor. Davros was wrong, it’s not compassion that is going to kill you. It’s hope. You believe in hope too much and when you don’t have it, you are the most dangerous thing in the universe.” 

The Doctor closed his eyes, relaxing under her touch. She was right, of course. Hope always had been his best flaw. “I know. I went to the end of the universe to try and save Clara, nearly destroyed everything and she still died” he whispered, voice cracking at the end. “Death is the universe’s only certainty” Missy responded, though the words sounded foreign and detached from her body; she had always had a complex relationship with death. To her, the concept was abstract something that she was unable to experience finitely. She hadn’t been lying when she told Clara that death was for other people. But it didn’t mean that she didn’t experience second-hand the impact of death. She saw the impact that it had had on the Doctor every time one of his humans died and she still remembered the rawness of her daughter’s death. Though she mustn’t think about that, not now. Gallifreyan deaths and human deaths weren’t the same. Soon, she would be able to prove to the Doctor and everyone that for her daughter, just like her, death was not finite. Missy considered the Doctor’s face in great detail. Every worry line seemed deeper than when they had last met and the bags were heavy under his eyes. She wished she could be the type to comfort, but it had never been her forte. She knew she was running out of time to get him to go to sleep, the co-ordinates would be delivered soon. Watching as the Doctor allowed another yawn to escape, Missy decided on what she had to do. Mind control over another Time Lord was something she hadn’t practiced in years but he was tired enough that it might just work. Anyway, she always had some sleep serum tucked away for some extra assurance. As the nagging guilt crept into the back of her mind, telling her that she was betraying the Doctor’s guilt she started to convince her mind that this was for his good, too. One final glance over his tired face was all it took to convince her that this was the right thing to do.   
“Open your eyes, I want to see you” Missy spoke gently, as she moved one leg over him and repositioned herself in his lap. The Doctor didn’t protest against her physical touch this time; it was nice and he was so tired. Moving his hands to rest on her hips he felt the joint of her pelvic bone jab into his palms. This new body of hers, the one with which he was least acquainted, was made up of angular edges and joints. His calloused fingers slipped slightly under the hem of her jumper and, after receiving a nod from her, rested there. The Doctor tried hard ignore the urge to touch the hardened scar that ran the length of her lower abdomen, just inches from where his fingers were splayed. “I don’t need to open my eyes for you to see me” he replied, having already blinked his eyes open despite himself. Missy’s eyes bore down on him intently with a reptillian coolness, they appeared to take in every detail of his face. “You know what I mean. Eyes, in so many cultures are gateways to the soul. Now, of course, the idea that anything beyond a mass of chemicals and urges exists behind the eyes of the primitives that reside here is laughable-” her voice was low, dripping with superiority. It had a hypnotic quality to it that the Doctor knew to be dangerous if directed at anybody other than him. He went to open his mouth to object to her generalisations and judgement but was met with a finger on his lips, motioning for him to be silent. “Shh, dear, I’m still talking. Now with us, and our kind, it’s a different story. I think there’s something to the old myth that the eyes reveal all. We live so long, don’t we? Living out so many lives that are different and the same all at once. I barely know you in this body and you barely know me but we still know eachother.” The Doctor could feel himself drifting in an odd state under her words. Her voice was rich and covered him in a warm embrace; he felt his body growing heavy, unable to resist the lure of her voice . He knew what she was doing, had done since she insisted on him opening his eyes; he just hoped it was her way of trying to help him sleep and not a way of getting him out of the way. On reflection, it was probably a combination of both. “That’s why I want us to spend some time together” the Doctor slurred, his own voice sounding foreign as he tried to follow the thread of the conversation. “Yes and I want that too. But not now. Right now, my precious broken Doctor, you need to rest. You’re far too sensitive to be around fragile humans, you need a break from them. You need your Mistress. In a minute, we’re going to go into my bedroom and you’re going to lay down, have a nice cup of hot chocolate and go to sleep. Then, in the morning, we’ll leave” Missy spoke of the plan as though they were suggestions, but he knew there was no arguing against it. Still, even as as his mind was submitting to hers, he attempted franticly to piece together some of his more pressing thoughts. By the time he’d managed to voice some of his concerns, she was leading him by hand to the bedroom. He felt like a child being led away from a party where the grown-ups were chatting and laughing and being placed back in bed. “You’re meeting tha- that person. They’re com-. It’s about your daughter, you shouldn’t do tha’ on your own” he slurred out his first racing concern, he’d forgotten how strong Missy’s mental skills were and found himself thinking that he must lay down some ground rules about her using them if they were to travel together. “We spoke about that already, love, remember? I can and will be doing it on my own.” She spoke firmly, clearly striving to maintain her control over his mind. It would be harder now, after all, without their physical closeness. The Doctor watched as she pulled back the covers and patted the mattress down, inviting him to lay down. He complied, feeling the weight of his body slip away from him instantly. As Missy pulled the covers over him, the Doctor couldn’t help but note that her likeness to a Victorian Governess didn’t disappear when she was no longer dressed in the attire. “We still nee- t’ talk ‘bout stuff though” he yawned out. “Yes and we will but right now I’m going to get your hot chocolate and then you’re going to sleep, like we agreed.” The Doctor relented, nodding as she walked out the door. “I know you’re going t’ drug the hot chocolate” he shouted after her, unable to resist the last word but powerless to stop the inevitable. 

Missy couldn’t help but smirk. Of course he knew, she’d hardly been subtle about her intentions but she needed him to sleep and while her mental powers were strong, she didn’t think they’d be enough to make him sleep through the night. If the Doctor woke up and found her communicating with the Time Lords, he’d jump to conclusions. Even worse, he might discover her true intentions and put an end to it. Reaching up towards the kitchen cabinet, she retrieved a cylinder tin filled with chocolate powder and mixed it in with the hot water and finally a sprinkling of her strongest sleep serum. Missy smiled as she smelt her concoction, it would work a treat. “Here we go, Mummy’s special recipe, drink up.” The Doctor scowled slightly but couldn’t resist the smell of the steaming hot chocolate or the idea of a restful sleep. Taking the mug in his hands, the Doctor took big gulps of the drink, wincing as the thick liquid scolded his throat. “You’re such an angry one this time, aren’t you?” Missy observed, as she sat on the edge of the mattress, “I wish you’d relax. I’m only trying to help, you need to sleep dear.” Given your track record, you’ll forgive me for being a little tense the Doctor thought to himself as he finished off the last of the hot drink. Regarding the care in Missy’s eyes, however, he thought better of voicing his thoughts. They were both going to have to make an effort, he reminded himself. “Thank you” he mumbled, closing his eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep. 

Missy found herself watching the Doctor sleep for a while, observing the steady rise and fall of his chest and taking surprising comfort in having him close by. For a while, she risked lying down next to him and resting her ear against his chest to listen to his double heartbeat. The night outside had become silent and Missy could easily have joined him in sleep had it not been for her impending visitors. Outside her room, Missy felt a burst of temporal energy and opened her eyes instantly. Of course they’d arrive directly in her living room, Time Lords didn’t knock. Standing up and patting down her errant hair, Missy found herself wondering for the first time which Time Lord would be sent. It would be a member of the High Council, of course, it might even be Rassilon himself. That was when she found herself growing nervous; maybe this was a mistake. Pushing the thought out of her mind, Missy made her way to the living room, finding a looming figure in a red gown and gold headgear surveying his surroundings. As he turned around, Missy sighed in relief as she realised it wasn’t Rassilon, just a senior figure in the High Council. Pulling the door shut quietly behind her, she made her way over to the Time Lord, taking on an air of false confidence.   
“Ah Mistress, look at you. It’s been so many years since you have taken a female form” the Time Lord speaks slowly, eyes tracing over Missy’s form as she shirks away into the corner. Maybe this had been a mistake. Missy’s own eyes scanned the figure in front of her in an attempt to try and recognise him; she even went as far as to try and pick up on his psychic imprint. It was no use, though, she had no recollection of the Gallifreyan stood in front of her. “You’ve never met me, so don’t waste your energy trying to figure out who I am” he sniped, smirking at the way Missy was backing away from him. Missy, for her part, hated her reaction. It was the same reaction she always had when confronted with the Time Lords: she was scared. But now wasn’t the time to be scared, she had to what was right by her daughter. Replacing her mask and false bravado, Missy stepped forward circling the Time Lord. “Well, that is a relief. Frankly the fewer Time Lords I know, the better. I really can only tolerate very few of our species” she sighed theatrically, surveying her nails to prevent her true emotions from leaking out of her eyes. The Time Lord wasn’t intimidated or convinced by her act and laughed heartily. “I assume the Doctor is one of the ones you choose to tolerate. He’s here now, isn’t he? I do wonder, though, how long he will tolerate you for?” Missy rolled her eyes, not allowing the vocalisation of her worries to linger, “it’s none of your business who may or may not be here. Now cut to the chase would you? I’ve got the gem and you have the co-ordinates. If you value your life, you’ll do the exchange and get out of here pronto.” She threatened, reaching into her pocket for the gem. The Time Lord mirrored her actions reaching into his own pocket and retrieving a small slip of paper. “You’ve become madder than you ever were on Gallifrey, so quick to threaten the life of a fellow Time Lord. Vedsa was right when he said you were the disease of our civilisation. Here are the coordinates, anyway.” The Time Lord grinned as he played with the gem Missy had just handed him. “It never fails to amaze me how easy the Master is to manipulate.” Missy paid no attention to his words, it was all things she had heard before anyway. But one thing did stand out- Vedsa... Who was Vedsa? The name sounded so familiar and yet so foreign. The other Time Lord watched her reaction curiously and couldn’t resist one last jibe, “you don’t remember him, do you? My, oh my, well I guess it has been centuries but even so most Time Ladies would remember the name of the father of their child.” Missy recoiled, holding the paper with the coordinates tightly in her hand, and feeling like she had been punched in the stomach. Vedsa, of course his name was Vedsa, how had she forgotten? She felt sick as a wave of memories flooded over her. It was so much easier to remember him as X, it seemed less real. Now everything was replaying like it was happening right now. What Vedsa had done to her, the birth of her daughter, the way she was ripped from her arms and her tiny life taken from her before it had even had the chance to start. No, no, no Missy thought to herself as she tried to reign in her emotions. None of it matters, Vedsa is dead, she thought to herself. You killed him centuries ago. Missy must have projected her last thought as the departing Time Lord turned back and uttered words that struck her to the core. 

“You might have killed him centuries ago, but, Mistress, you of all people know that death isn’t real.”


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor found himself waking with a groan as he heard a dustbin truck rattle past outside. It took him a moment to remember where he was as he turned over in the bed, head feeling heavy and clouded. The effect of the drug was still coursing through his veins and it took more energy than he would have liked to heave himself out of the bed. Surveying the room, the Doctor tried to recall how he had ended up here. He was at a flat in London, not just any flat Missy’s flat. It was still a strange to think of his oldest friend living in a flat. It wasn’t right. Thank Rassilon they’d be leaving today. As soon as he found out where that oldest friend had got to. The last thing he remembered, Missy was lying next to him but of course she wouldn’t have stayed there all night. Hadn’t she been planning to meet someone last night? It was something important. Something to do with her daughter. Sighing, the Doctor ran a hand across his face wishing he hadn’t agreed to waiting for Missy to meet this mystery informant. Her mysteries never boded well. Reaching the bedroom door, the Doctor made his way into the living room scanning the room for the Time Lady and finding it empty. The room, however, was worrying the Doctor. It looked like Missy had decided to redecorate overnight, moving all the furniture towards the door as a barricade in a makeshift security attempt. This really didn’t bode well. Maybe cabin fever had finally got to Missy, the sooner they left the better. 

Rounding the corner, the Doctor was surprised to find Missy laying in the corner of the kitchen asleep. “Well, I suppose you’ve fallen to sleep in weirder places” the Doctor said with a cough to attract Missy from her slumber watching with curiosity as she jumped back and hugged her knees to her chest. “Hey, it’s just me. Are you okay?” the Doctor asked shocked to see her trembling with wide eyes, nodding slightly as she began to compose herself. “I must have fallen asleep” Missy muttered, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The Doctor nodded, growing more concerned about her strange behaviour. “Why were you sleeping down there anyway?” the Doctor asked offering his hand to help her up but quickly retracting it when Missy backed away from him and eased herself up. “I was tired and you had my bed and I had to use the furniture for something else” Missy said casually, patting down her matted hair. “Yes, I can see that. Why is all the furniture at the door?” the Doctor asked watching Missy turn away from him and start tapping the counter edge. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Just as quickly as the tapping began, Missy stopped herself cradling her head in her hands. She needed to get back in control, even the Doctor could tell something was wrong. “Missy, talk to me, what’s happened?” the Doctor pressed growing increasingly concerned about his friend. “Can we go please?” Missy whispered, still not turning back to the Doctor. The Doctor sighed making his way to start moving the furniture out of the way, “if you want to. Did you get the information you needed?” He asked, trying another tactic as he pushed the chairs out of the way and chancing a glance back at Missy who was pouring a glass of water and taking tentative sips. “Yep. I got what I wanted and a little bit more” she responded, confidence returning to her voice as she walked up to the Doctor and helped him move the last of the chairs. “How are you feeling now you’ve had a sleep. I’m surprised you were up first, I gave you quite a bit of that sleep serum” Missy said, trying to lead the Doctor away from her strange behaviour. “Well I’m feeling a bit more refreshed but we will be having a chat about your liberal use of drugs if you’re going to stay on the Tardis” the Doctor said firmly, watching Missy raise her hands defensively. “Whatever. Anyway, come on I want to get going” Missy said reaching inside her pocket to check she still had the co-ordinates as she bounded ahead. 

“The Tardis is just around the corner” the Doctor said breaking the silence that had befallen the two of them. More than once he had caught Missy suspiciously watching strangers and on one occasion he had watched her jump out of her skin when a jogger brushed into her. Whenever Missy had anything to do with her daughter or everything that had happened on Gallifrey, she always acted jumpy but this was something else. “Okay. Good, I forgot it was rush hour. All these bloody humans everywhere” Missy muttered, not looking back at the Doctor. Rounding the corner, Missy made a beeline to the Tardis doors breathing a sigh of relief as the Doctor opened the doors and the two of them entered the console room. Missy ran her hand across the controls, realising how much she’d missed temporal travel. The Tardis gave out a hiss of protest at Missy’s touch and the Doctor gave Missy a harsh warning look to not touch anything. “Here we are then” the Doctor said when Missy backed away from the controls. “As promised, I’m going to help you” the Doctor said pulling a lever and setting the Tardis to drift. Missy nodded, suddenly feeling unsure of her plan now she was here. “First, though, will you come and sit down with me so we can have a chat?” the Doctor pressed, refusing to let Missy’s strange behaviour carry on. Missy rolled her eyes dramatically as she went to sit down “are you going to read me the riot act?” She sighed checking her nails while watching the Doctor from the corner of her eye as he joined her. “No. I’m worried about you, you’re acting strange. Tell me what’s going on, it’s just the two of us” the Doctor coaxed watching Missy shrink under his gaze. “Well that’s a first in these bodies” Missy snarled, determined to change the topic. All night she’d been awake worrying about Vedsa. Knowing he was alive and somewhere in the universe had terrified her and she’d found herself desperately trying to secure the flat last night. When she finally did manage to get some sleep she had been plagued by nightmares of Vedsa finding her and hurting her all over again. “Don’t do that” the Doctor warned, “I’m trying. Don’t push me away. Did something happen last night when the informant came round?” the Doctor pressed, watching Missy close her eyes and nod. The Doctor took a deep breath worrying that she’d been hurt and he hadn’t been able to help her again. “Okay. What happened? Did someone hurt you?” He asked unable to hide the worry from his voice making Missy turn around at him. She hadn’t heard concern in his voice for years, not when it was directed at her anyway. “No, no one hurt me. It was just...It brought back some memories. The informant reminded me about the name of that Time Lord. Of X” Missy whispered trying to avoid the Doctor’s stare. “Oh” the Doctor said softly. Of course, he remembered Vedsa but knew it had been easier for Missy to block his name out. It made it all a bit less real for her. Missy nodded “oh” she parroted, wringing her hands nervously in her lap. “I know you’ve tried not to remember his name but it doesn’t change anything, he still can’t hurt you anymore” the Doctor tried to reassure, at a loss of what else to say. At this Missy stifled a sob, covering her mouth with her hand and trying to pass it off as a laugh. “Was there more Missy?” the Doctor queried trying to understand her reaction and tensing when he saw her nod. “He can hurt me though. He’s still alive”


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor sat in one of the Tardis’ studies, listening to the fire cackle as he read through Missy’s notes detailing where she had looked for her Tardis. Sipping his overly-sugared tea, he couldn’t help but think that this was one of her worst attempts as getting his attention. As he progressed though the notepads, he started to doubt more and more whether there was actually a Tardis to go missing in the first place. Since her return, he’d only ever seen her travel via a vortex manipulator. If she really wanted to get away from Earth, she would have found a way to do it. No, she hadn’t been stranded she’d been waiting. Waiting for him and waiting for her contact. Surprisingly, the Doctor found that he wasn’t worried about Missy’s obvious deception. There was no human travelling with him, no one she could hurt. This was his chance at redemption, he’d decided. Even if it was a misguided and naive decision, it might be the only chance he got. 

It wasn’t just redemption he was after though. Alarm bells had started to ring yesterday when Missy had mentioned a contact with information about her daughter. Anything to do with her daughter was usually bad news and he was under no illusions that this occasion was any different. Then, there was the fact that Vedsa was alive. The Doctor had a feeling that Missy was about to make a bad decision; he couldn’t put his finger on what that bad decision was but knew it was going to happen. 

The Time Lord couldn’t rid his mind of how terrified Missy had looked as she’d told him that she’d remembered Vedsa’s name and that he was alive. Her expression, despite the different face and centuries that had passed, had been identical to the one he had seen when he visited her just after she’d given birth. The Time Lady had looked scared, confused and lost all at the same time. The vulnerability that she had shown when they first arrived at the Tardis had disappeared nearly as soon it appeared. When Missy confessed what had thrown her out of sorts, she had sobbed for all of five seconds. Five measly seconds. The Doctor had watched helplessly as her facade cracked and all too quickly the Time Lady from over 1,000 years ago broke through. Her shoulders had shook as tears wracked her body and ugly gasps for breath left her mouth in her struggle to regain composure. He didn’t know what to do or how to console her and by the time he’d thought of what to do, the five seconds were over. 

Missy’s mask was firmly back in place and the theatrics were on standby. 

“We’re in the vortex” the Time Lady had commented, smoothing down her clothes as she stood up and walked away from the sofa. The Doctor had been thrown off balance by the sudden change and simply nodded in response. The Tardis had creaked, still uneasy with the Master’s presence. 

“Good. Let’s keep it that way for a while, eh? I want to have a wee nap. Haven’t had a great deal of sleep and it seems to have made me all emotional” she had said with a forced laugh. If the Doctor looked close enough, and he did look close enough, he could still make out her trembling hands. 

“Missy” the Doctor had started. “You’re allowed to be upset” he paused, deciding he was brave enough to say the next bit. “You’re allowed to be scared too. It must have been a terrible shock to hear about Vedsa.” The Time Lady had rolled her eyes at him, the act lacked conviction as he watched her gulp at the same time. 

“I’m allowed to be and do anything I like. Even if I’m not allowed, I’ll do it anyway. You need to remember that” she had drawled, not looking back at the Doctor as she headed down one of the corridors leading to the bedrooms. “Right now, I’m tired and smelly. I’m going to sleep and shower. I need to wash the smell of Earth out of my hair.” 

The Doctor watched her back as she headed further into the Tardis. “I’ll need to re-programme your room. For now, take the spare one” he had offered, watching her turn and snort with laughter. 

“Oh no, dear, I’ll take the master bedroom” she had smirked. 

Now, the Doctor had been on his own for several hours and he decided it was time to find the Time Lady. Collecting the notes up and closing them away in the top drawer, he made his way through the corridors towards the bedrooms. He was nearly at the bedroom when a light in the swords’ room caught his attention and he turned to find Missy admiring his collection. The Time Lord watched silently for a few minutes as she trailed her fingers along ancient swords from several planets. Missy was placid, not the usual buzzing force of energy as she walked along the length of the room dressed in his flannel pyjamas. The bottoms were turned up several inches and the Doctor smiled triumphantly, knowing the annoyance that their current height difference would cause her. His eyes trailed down further to the novelty Bagpuss slippers she was wearing and he chuckled silently at the strange ways she consumed human culture. When the Time Lady’s slender fingers coiled around the sword hanging on the end of the wall, he stepped forward and made his presence known. 

“No” he said gruffly and Missy’s shoulders tensed in surprise. The Time Lord was surprised himself- he was sure she knew he was there. She usually did. “You can’t touch any weapons on board. If you’re staying, there will be boundaries and that will be one of them.” 

Missy let out a low laugh, lifting the blade off the wall and turning to face him with a broad grin. It was one of the larger swords he owned, nearly matching the Time Lady’s upper body in length. As she turned, the light caught on the silver and blinded him momentarily. When he recovered, the next thing he saw was the sword being tossed at him, followed by the rather late advice to “catch.” After initially flailing, he miraculously managed to catch it by the handle and glared at her; watching as she picked another of his swords off the wall. 

“We used to duel” she hummed, turning back to face him. Her eyes glistening with mischief that made her look centuries younger.   
“We’re not dueling.” Missy pouted, she did that well in this body, before jumping forward. “Yes. We. Are. Come on, scared I’ll beat you?” She teases, poking him in the ribs gently with the tip of the blade. He looked down at the sword, unimpressed. “I said no.” She sighed dramatically. She did that well in this body too. He held his hand palm up for the sword. “You dueled with Robin Hood” she stated, reluctantly handing the blade over. The Doctor’s features knitted together in annoyance. “Firstly” he began, turning and hanging the blades back on the wall, “he wasn’t the real Robin Hood. Robin Hood doesn’t exist. Secondly, I did not duel-” He spun on his heel to face Missy who was now leaning against the door frame, lips curled into a smirk. “How did you know about that?” He exclaimed. Her grin broadened into a laugh. “Told you, I’ve been up and down your timeline” she drawled. “I like watching you when I’m bored.” The Doctor frowned. “That’s really creepy. You’re getting creepy in your old age.” She shrugged. “I’ve always been creepy. You’re getting sensitive in your old age.” 

The Doctor observed Missy for a few minutes. “Do you often get bored?” He commented, “are you sure you’re not mistaking loneliness for boredom?” Missy scoffed and it was was the Doctor’s turn to smirk. “Come and have a drink with me? I have some damn fine whiskey and it’d be a shame to drink it alone.” Missy nodded, dark hair falling over her face. They walked to the library in silence. The Doctor trying not to laugh at Missy having to pull up the pyjama bottoms every other minute while also thinking of a way to broach the subject of Vedsa. Missy, meanwhile, was thinking of how she was going to programme the Tardis to fly to the coordinates she’d been given. Time was limited and she’d have to act fast. She’d already nearly cracked earlier after the revelation about Vedsa. She couldn’t afford to be that careless if she wanted this to work. 

“Here we are” the Doctor announced, passing Missy a tumbler with ice and whiskey. “Thanks” she said, curling up in the leather chair closest to the fire. She never had liked the cold. The Doctor poured his own glass and sat on the opposite sofa. The Time Lord grappled internally as he tried to think of something to say. It had been so long since they had sat like this. He’d thought her dead for so long and then they’d been fighting since she returned. “I’m glad you’re here” he said, watching her turn away from the fire and observe him. “Really?” She asked, surprise evident in her voice. “Really.” He downed his drink, it burned his throat on the way down. “We need ground rules though” he said quickly, while he was brave enough. 

Missy snorted, downed her own drink and rested her head on her arms, looking at him. “Of course we do.” “You know we do” he sighed, “rule one is no using weapons, mind control or drugs.” Missy yawned and turned away from him. “Will you write these down for me? I’m tired” she said, staring at the patterns on the armchair. She wasn’t tired. She just didn’t want to hear about a list of rules she planned on breaking anyway. The Doctor sighed. “You slept earlier” he noted. “It’s your voice, all preachy. Its making me sleepy” she retorted, still not turning back. “Fine. I’ll write them down.” He watched her back as it rise and fell with her breaths. “Are you going to turn back now? I know your not asleep.” Missy sighed and turned around. 

The crackling fire was the only sound in the room. The Time Lady watched the orange embers flickering, enthralled by it while the Time Lord watched her. He knew she had been shaken by finding out Vedsa was alive, he just didn’t know how to comfort her. “We need to find my Tardis” Missy muttered eventually, eyes still firmly placed on the flames. The Doctor shook his head, she was still going to keep that up. “What Tardis, Missy?” He asked watching her turn to him. “There isn’t one, is there?” He added. Missy’s face dropped and she scrambled to find an explanation quick enough. “No” she admitted eventually. “What’s going on? Tell me the truth.” I can’t. She thought to herself. “Missy, if you just wanted to see me, you could have said” he pressed gently. Missy sat up, nodding. “Do you need help getting somewhere?” Her eyes brightened. “I can help you get somewhere. I’ll drop you off no questions asked, but afterwards, you come back and we spend some time together. I don’t expect you to turn good but I do want my friend back. I’d like to spend time with my friend” he said, searching Missy’s face for a hint that she wasn’t about to laugh in his face.

“You’ll drop me off and pick me up no questions asked?” She replied, eagerly and he nodded. Take me here, please” she said, passing the white scrap of paper. The Doctor read the coordinates, they seemed familiar but he couldn’t place it. “Where-” “You said no questions.” He nodded. “You promise you’ll come back?” Missy nodded. “Cross my hearts.”


End file.
